Sexual Abuse

I’m going to continue with the subject of abuse. I must have been very young when all the abuse started, as that is all I can remember.

As a very small child I remember experiencing fear of my mother.

Then there was fear of my father. I would lie awake at night, my heart pounding, thinking that I was hearing his footsteps approach my room. It took me a long time to recognize that sound as my heartbeat.

But he did come . . . over and over and over. He caused pain and fear and feelings that I can’t even put a name to.

I couldn’t tell, because once again I lived in fear of my mother, and was sure that she would make it my fault, that he was doing this.

One time, at about 8 years old, I told my best friends, using what words I could find to describe what was happening to me. She told another, who told another and another.

One day I got called out of class by the Special Ed teacher. I sat at a table in a room, alone with her. She asked me what it was that I had told people. By then I had heard the nasty word for sex, but did not know the word ‘incest’. I sat at that table and I didn’t say a word.

Finally, she put a sheet of paper and a pencil on the table in front of me and told me to write what I had said, then she went to get my lunch. While she was gone I got up some nerve and wrote, “My dad f- me”. Then I carefully laid the pencil over the sentence so it couldn’t be seen.

She came back with my lunch, and after much persuading, I moved the pencil. She read it then asked if it were true.

I was scared out of my mind. I told her it wasn’t and received a lecture about telling lies. I had to tell her no, or my mother would have found out.

What the school did though, was call my dad at work, and tell him what I had said. They called HIM!!

Needless to say, I remained scared to death of both my parents, until I left home at the age of 17.

Then my life only got worse, but that’s another story.

Talk to me, I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s