As empty as a long-abandoned church.

Ever feel like no one sees you? Or maybe you feel there is nothing inside you to see? While young, I learned that the only way I could feel like someone, was to create a persona. I remember watching the credits roll on the TV, watching as the names scrolled up the screen. Searching for a good name that I could use to create a boyfriend. By myself, I was nothing. It was as though I didn’t exist. When creating people didn’t work, I turned to fighting, and destroying property. Eventually, I was busted for arson and I was only 13 years old. I became a big, bad person, smoking, sneaking drinks from the liquor cabinet. But none of this made me feel as though I was anybody. I excelled in school, in the music program, with plans to go to college for music. I excelled in music, but was not appreciated for it by those who mattered to me most. I did go off to college as a music major, ended up dropping out during my fourth semester. I had either dropped, failed or had incompletes for all my classes. Alcohol had taken over my life by the age of 18. But still, no one ever really noticed me. Ever.

As empty as a long-abandoned church.

4 thoughts on “As empty as a long-abandoned church.

    1. It’s important to be seen, noticed, encouraged and supported during our growing up years. It’s as crucial to survival as food, shelter and even air. No wonder you turned towards alcohol and/or whatever means to survive. And survive you did!

      Liked by 1 person

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