How does one describe how it feels,
To know that today is a bad day,
A day I don’t like myself much,
And wish I could just melt away.
Far from the feelings of shame and blame,
Where no one can ever harm me.
When I am seen, down in the dumps,
I feel as though I am hollow,
Filled with nothing, no life bumps,
Yet in this hollow some things are real,
The aches and pains that I feel.
The words of those who seem to care,
Words that I don’t share.
They describe someone, not me,
Because they don’t really see,
The pain that goes on inside,
That sometimes is just too hard to hide.
To go to sleep,
Not having to feel,
The thoughts that seem so real.
An end to the pain and shame,
Is really quite hard to obtain,
And so I go from day to day,
Not ever knowing how to say,
What I need and what I want,
Is forbidden, so I cannot,
Do a thing about the pain,
But let it come, like the rain.
It covers all that I see,
Someone who is not really me.
~ van ~