I have been deep into this hole,
I know not for how long.
I now know that it has to be me,
Who starts the climb, but not alone.
My heart, my soul, my mind, and my body,
They all bear the scars,
Of a life filled with abuse,
Thinking no one cares.
But to climb out of this hole,
There are things I need to do.
Take care of myself, for one,
With help from I know not whom.
Eat and bathe,
Let myself feel,
All of that stuff that haunts me,
At times it still feels unreal.
Why did this happen,
To my life,
When I was just a child,
And not wanting to survive?
How did this follow me this far,
When I have aged so much?
I don’t talk it out enough,
Thus my suffering is as such.
But I want to climb out of the hole,
And lead a normal life,
One not filled with pain and anger,
And not ending with a knife.
I’m the one who has to make,
The changes in my life.
Talk, and write, take care of myself,
Start the climb out of the hole,
And put some things up on the shelf.
To look at on a different day,
Get help from those who care,
And start to live a different way,
And so, my life I share.
~ van ~