One Year Ago

A year ago today,

My mother passed away.

You’d think that I’d be sad,

But actually, it’s hard to say.

I’ve thought of her quite often,

In the year that has passed.

I feel something I can’t explain,

But no, I’m not really sad.

My mother was my tormentor,

And yes, my nemesis,

I feel a pain deep inside me,

But no, I’m not really sad.

Maybe what I really miss,

Is all the holidays,

She would go all the way,

To make that day the best.

My birthday was one of those days,

Having been born on Halloween,

Cookies at school, a party later,

What was deep within her was never seen.

Not by those who did not live with her,

Day in and day out.

A day could never pass,

Without at least one shout.

Aimed at me,

I know not why,

My brothers didn’t see

How easily she made me cry.

No praise, no encouragement,

For whatever I might do,

To her, nothing ever meant,

Anything that might be new.

Dreams and wishes, cast aside.

The yardstick broke in two,

Living in fear every day,

Of what she might next do.

I hated her, I loved her.

How do the two coincide?

Within a child, a young adult,

Now one who’s left behind.

One year ago today,

My mother passed away,

I feel neither glad nor sad,

With each and every new day.

So why am I writing this?

I guess I’m trying to throw out,

The anger, hatred, and yes the fear,

I lived with day in and day out.

One year ago.

– van –

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