I know that I’m a few days late, and Mother’s Day has come and gone. But the day did bring you to mind. I feel obligated to wish you a happy mother’s day and so I am writing this letter. You left us almost a year and a half ago, and it felt bad, but not for long. The only time I cried, was the last time I saw you, lying there in that hospital bed.
Do I miss you? Mostly no, but there are moments when I still think, “I want to tell Mom about . . . oh, I can’t. But during my 50+ years on this earth, life was very unpleasant with both of you alive. I had moved away long before Dad passed, and I really cried at his funeral.
At your funeral, I sat right in front of you, with your sister, and my sister-in-law on either side. Your sister cried. I believe she was the only one; maybe she didn’t really know how you were. I also think that losing a sister would make me cry as well, but I only have brothers.
You made home, a scary place to be. I never knew, when I got up each day, if it was going to be good or bad. Oddly enough, I carried that fear away from home, both as a child, and even as an adult. While you were still here, you had control over me, because I allowed it. The act of saying ‘no’ wasn’t even my vocabulary. You taught me well.
Oddly enough, that part of you that I feared, still controls my life. I can’t tell the neighbor lady, “No, I just want to go home.” or maybe “No, I want to go by myself.”
You are present in almost all my relationships, both professional and personal. Thank you Mom for that gift, and I hope you had a Happy Mother’s Day.