Patterns are a part of life, including mine. If I were to state the most obvious pattern that I’ve seen in my life, it is in my expectations about an upcoming holiday.
To pick the most obvious pattern in my life about holidays, it is in the anticipation of what is to come, followed by a great feeling of being let down when the holiday has arrived.
As an example, Christmas is probably the most obvious one, followed by my birthdays. These are days of increasing anticipation, due to the child that still resides within me, and then the letdown when I don’t get all those gifts that subconsciously I was expecting, but then did not receive.
I am now in what I like to call, ‘Upper-middle age’, and I still go through these cycles every year, despite the fact that both of my parents are deceased, one brother is two hours away by plane, and another two hours by car, and the other brother has not been in contact with me in over 2 1/2 years.
Who then, am I expecting to get such great things from? You’d have to ask that inner child, as I cannot reason it out in my adult being.
Today is the 4th of July. There is a parade going on downtown, cookouts all over the city, and fireworks tonight. I will only be part of a get-together with friends here where I live, to share a meal, fun and laughter.
That will never satisfy the expectations that the child has for this day, but it is better than being alone, which I have been doing for way too many years.