I don’t often write about situations such as the one I’m about to, but it is eating away inside me, causing my anxiety levels to exceed the dosage of medication I take during the day.
I got a letter in the mail yesterday. I almost threw it away because it didn’t look like something that I needed to pay any attention to. I was wrong.
Something made me open that one-page letter.
It was sent by a company I didn’t recognize, and I was totally baffled at first. Then I read the entire letter and the fear set in. I am over 50 years of age, and yet not had even one colonoscopy. This is more due to fear of the prep process than the actual procedure.
Red flags were up. The letter, the results of the test sample that I had sent in, was positive for blood in the sample. Fear increased each minute that I sat there, staring at that letter. I was going to have to have a colonoscopy done.
My aunt on my mother’s side, died of colon cancer. Back in those days they didn’t have all of this technology that they have now. Three and a half years ago, my mother died of stage-four cervical cancer. There was definitely cancer in the family. That big word, CANCER was the only one bouncing around in my brain.
Now, I realize that there can be other reasons for that positive result, too many to list, actually. But there is only one way to find out what is going on inside my body, besides everything else I have going on. I was also considering all the red Gatorade I drink, and how that might affect the test results.
My doctor called this morning, and is sending a consult to the GI clinic, for a colonoscopy, and I am scared out of my mind. I have only spoken of this to two people, because I don’t want it spread all around the building, like most other things do after telling only one person about it.
So there it is. Out on
paper the computer screen. It doesn’t seem to have eased any of the pressure I’m feeling in my chest. And for some freaking odd reason, I cannot see my cursor online, but I can offline.
But that is a story for another time.
~ van ~