Soul In Despair

I’ve often wondered where I would be today, if my life hadn’t started off in the manner in which it did. The first 17 years of my life, full of every sort of abuse, by both of my parents. I ran away when I was 17 to continue my life, filled with all kinds of musical desires, and classes.

I quickly learned how lonely I really was away from home. This made no sense to me, so instead of finding myself, I went out into the street, searching for someone to fill the void that had been somehow left in me.

Alcohol soon became my new companion, along with all the problems that it can cause. The only good thing about this was that I wasn’t a licensed driver, therefore wasn’t bothered with DUI’s. The city buses ran late at night, enabling me to drink myself senseless, and then stagger back to my new home, and my new bed.

The loneliness, however, drove me into unknown places, unknown faces, faces that only wanted one thing and one thing only, and I could never say no.

After two years of this, my soul succumbed, and my life and dream was in shambles. Unable mentally to return to my parent’s home, I chose to run very far away, and into the Navy.

After eight weeks of mental and physical torture, I was released into what seemed to be endless freedom, and went to the wonderful state of Illinois. Great Lakes, otherwise known as Great Mistakes. I had no choice at that point in where I was sent, and it wasn’t good.

I don’t believe any place I might’ve been sent to, would really have been good, because the problems that occurred came from within my own soul . . . planted there when I was growing up, never to really go away.

And so, today, my soul remains in despair.

~ van ~


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