If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I had a great, if tiring week. I spent Tuesday thru Thursday in Chicago, for the Valor Games Midwest. This is an adaptive sports event for veterans and active duty personnel who are physically disabled, or blind, or have PTSD, which I can tell you is very disabling, or traumatic brain injury. I signed up for the field event throwing the discus and hand cycling only, as I didn’t want to trigger the MS due to the extra fatigue I might experience.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I was so worried about making travel connections, I google-mapped my route from the bus that took me to another bus that took me to a train that took me to a bus that took me to Soldier Field, in Chicago. My travel and connections all went well. The discus throw earned me a Gold medal
and the hand cycling earned me a silver medal, which was so unexpected that I had to wait for my chair to power up so that I could roll up the second place ramp, to receive the silver medal.
I would tell you that when I saw the pictures of myself on that podium, I felt much older, because of how grey my hair has become. But after a bit, I realized that color of my hair didn’t necessarily match the age of my body, or my abilities. I was also inspired to do some strengthening of my upper body, and continue to compete in these, and other adaptive sports for disabled persons, veteran or not.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I have a quiet week ahead, with only one appointment. I hope she doesn’t end the session early because she is ill again. I would tell you that having BPD causes me to feel as though I’m being abandoned when she cancels an appointment, that I take it as though she does it on purpose, because she knows that it’s a day on which I have an appointment with her, and it has happened several times. This, among other thought patterns, is something that I am now aware of what the truth is, and that I just have to convince the little me it doesn’t have anything to do with me. I would also tell you that I have inappropriate emotional responses, that these are exaggerated and that I have a negativity in myself that causes low self-worth, negativity, and inadequacy, especially when problem solving.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that you are part of the new world I have let happen, in my blogosphere, people that I didn’t even know, read the thoughts and reactions and behaviors I have experienced and still do to some extent, and opened myself up to the comments and support of these people, and that I now feel as though I’ve known you all for the four-plus years that this blog has been my outlet. You help me to believe in myself, that I can accomplish great things, in my writing and also in the things I try to do, even if the thought of it scares me or seems impossible. The impossible is becoming possible, and I thank you all for your help.