An Alien Among Friends

This came bubbling out again

Through The Clouds

Alien Alien (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I may not look like one,

I may not talk like one.

I may not smell like one,

I may not walk like one,

And I may not eat like one.

But inside me lives an alien.

I am someone,

Who lives my life in pain,

In anger, in shame.

This cannot be seen from the outside,

And no one can see the inside,

Except those who live inside of me,

And those who read my words.

I don’t have a lot of friends,

Afraid to expose myself,

To pain, to shame, to loathing and blame.

So I sit here with my alien,

Day after day,

Knowing that no one,

Will get to me, in that way.

For the shield is great,

And it is strong,

Because of early life,

That went horribly wrong.

~ van ~

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5 thoughts on “An Alien Among Friends

  1. This seems to be a common thread among those attacked as children and made to keep quiet about it. One does not have to be quiet about being hit by a truck. Yet we carry all this inside little bodies that grow into adulthood and it stays there growing with us.
    One can begin to find relief by sharing and bringing it out in the open in the hopes it is received with loving acceptance. Some never do because a child feels shame that is not the child’s yet she retains it and it grows with her.
    Even if one is lucky and courageous enough to speak about these things with the right person, or blog, or with a therapist, the years of keeping it in changes the little girl now grown into a woman. For me it has.
    It is very difficult to find my voice, feel my feelings, or take good care of myself. I am foreign to my own being. Finding my center, my ‘home’, that place inside that others live in so easily, is a place I’ve live apart from and have a hard time nestling into and staying.

    Liked by 1 person

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