Event For The Day

Today was the first day of events, at the Valor Games Southwest in San Antonio, TX.  I always play by the seat of my pants – no preparation in advance.  The game today was the best 3 out of 5 games.  I had to score 11 points and try to keep my opponents points to a minimum.

So I warmed up with a standing guy, who was a better player than I am.  I figured out where his weak spot was, and shot the ball in that direction as much as I could, then I would hit a soft little lob that just made it over the net, hitting the table on his side, but out of his reach.  You would have to have gargantuan arms to reach a ball that close to the net.

wp_20160927_030When I finally was up to compete (the official murdered my last name), and I played against one of the women I played 9-ball with in June/July.  She remembered me to.  We played.  I won, she won, I won, she won.  We were each 2 out of 4 at this point.  I took the fifth game.

We were a good match, about the same levels of play between us.  I had a good time.  I didn’t expect what was coming next.  They paired me up with a guy I didn’t know – and he just stomped me into the ground, taking the first three games.  I was out.

I later learned he was one of three professional players there.  They played on a team together.  No wonder he beat me so hard! 

This post was written without using the taboo word for 9/27/26.  Tomorrow, the last day of the challenge, is nearly impossible.

You can see today’s taboo word below. Visit Eric, author of the All In A Dad’s Work blog and creator of the challenge, for details on participating.

 taboo

Click the blue frog to read others taking part in this fun challenge 

Where Did The Sun Go?

Taboo Word  9/12/16

It seemed like only yesterday, when I commented to my roommate at he hotel in Salt Lake City, how late it was and it was still light out.  Now, it’s a little after 7pm and it is almost totally dark outside.  I can hear all the buzzing of the nighttime bugs that seem to disappear during the day.

I am unable to go outside and enjoy some company with friends, like we had been doing.  Now, I’m sitting here writing away, now that I’ve gotten through those 69 emails that I had this morning.  And that only counts the ones that were already there when I opened my email.  Others were creeping in throughout the day.  I spent at least an hour, going through all the ones like Office Depot, AARP and others, unsubscribing for all the junk email so that I can do something else during the day besides reading and deleting email.

Nerd In The Brain has started the GO PLAY event and I got busy with one of the 10 point challenges, which is to draw or color something.  I pulled up my chair, sharpened my pencils and started coloring.  This is something I had put aside, and forgotten all about.  I honestly have no clue when the last time was that I sat and colored.  They tell me that it is supposed to relax me.  Uh, right.  I think that is something that flew out the window when I was looking away and putting the coloring books and pencils aside to collect dust, and be annoying when I needed the space for some other project I was doing.

The point I am trying to make is that I’ve been a space cadet, jumping from one thing to another, and now I run out of time during the day, and I’m unable to finish anything I start.  Somewhere during the day, I thought I was at the gym . . . or was that a dream??   I guess the real point I am trying to make, is I can write a post without using the taboo word.

You can see today’s taboo word below. Visit Eric, author of the All In A Dad’s Work blog and creator of the challenge, for details on participating.

 taboo

Click the blue frog to read others taking part in this fun challenge 

You Wouldn’t Like Me If You Knew Me

Taboo Word 9/9/16

Mental health is getting more attention today, than it has ever gotten before.  Why?  It affects something like 1 out of 3 Americans today.  More and more soldiers are coming back from war, forever damaged due to what they have seen and experienced during their service for their country.  It affects children, abused children, and these children, once they have grown are affected as well.

I was one of those children, and I was also in the military, and am now diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, MST or Military Sexual Trauma, anxiety, and depression.  Including medication for MS, I take like 22 different medications daily, and have been unable to work for two decades now.  

My symptoms, besides those due to the MS, depression and anxiety, include fear of abandonment, intense, unstable emotional responses like anger, anxiety, that are difficult to control, and often inappropriate to the situation, and chronic feelings of emptiness.  

I often have anger, anxiety and feelings of emptiness.  I went through many self-damaging acts such as unsafe sex, substance abuse, self-injurious behavior which includes self-harm, attempted suicides and even excessive spending.  I have caught myself more than once pouring through catalogs or across the Internet, looking for something to buy.  I went through an entire catalog yesterday, before I realized what I was doing and threw it away,

The image I look at in the mirror looks back at me with sallow skin and sunken cheeks.  Sometimes I go for several days, or even a week or two, eating maybe one or two meals a day, and not eating the foods I need to stay healthy.  

After running up several credit cards, hospital bills, and store card bills, I eventually declared bankruptcy in order to survive, financially.  Ten years later, and I was signing paperwork, agreeing to the conditions set forth by the debt-management agency that I turned to, cutting off all my cards and agreeing not to apply for any new ones.  Mounting vet bills led me to apply for a Care Credit card which is used for vet bills, etc, and even dentistry bills for myself.

Now, several years have passed and I have three, active credit cards, a store card and close to $5000 in debt again.  I sacrifice groceries, to pay more than minimum payments for these credit cards, trying to get the balances reduced and eliminate this newly acquired debt.

A service-provider calls in sick, the day of my appointment and I take it personally, which results in chronic fear of abandonment, and inappropriate anger, thinking that the appointment was cancelled because I felt it was because I had an appointment that particular day.  This has happened more than once within even just the last six months.

Relationships are something that are also affected, often very unstable and intense.  I have been through three such relationships, each lasting only five years, before I do something that ends the relationship.  This has happened every time, and I have spent more than 12 years by myself, avoiding another relationship that will inevitably lead to the same, sad end.

Today, we need to look into suspected cases of child abuse, and listen to our friends, partners, spouses and children, listening and looking for signs that all is not right.  I have managed to stay sober 17 years, and I quit smoking nearly nine years ago.  But that doesn’t mean that I am okay, because I am not okay.  

I experience irrational fears, go through sometimes lengthy periods of depression, and live in a constant state of anxiety.  I live alone, and can spend days, not leaving my apartment or seeing anyone.  No one comes to visit and I do not visit others.  I sit here with my laptop for the entire day, then spend all evening listening to the TV, still using the laptop.  It’s a wonder that I haven’t burnt the hard-drive, with all the constant use it gets throughout each day. 

Noises outside my apartment, I take personally, as though someone is deliberately trying to annoy me, and often do get very annoyed.  I get symptoms which suggest my MS is getting worse, that I have forgotten to take a dose of medication, or something has caused my blood pressure to shoot through the roof.  This often causes me to lie awake for hours at night, unable to sleep, with my mind racing a mile a minute.

If I had a choice, I would not choose to live this kind of life.  But I don’t seem to be able to do anything about it myself, so I suffer in silence, with only the words that come racing from the ends of my fingers and onto the keyboard.  This is my main outlet for these feelings I have to excess.  My search for others out there, who are living lives like mine, is something that starts my search through my email, looking for the emails about new posts, by those who are like-minded, and we share our experiences and help support each other through the trials we go through every day.  Yes, I am one of those who suffer from mental illness, and I no longer want to keep it hidden in the closet, the naked secrets I feel would be exposed if you really knew me.

You wouldn’t like me if you knew about all this stuff, and so I keep it hidden.

You can see today’s taboo word below. Visit Eric, author of the All In A Dad’s Work blog and creator of the challenge, for details on participating.

 taboo

Click the blue frog to read others taking part in this fun challenge 

August Alphabet Music Challenge – Day 6, The Letter F

I would have to say that my favorite singer/band beginning with the letter F would be….

Fleetwood Mac

Image result for fleetwood mac
Photo: Google Images

 

Image result for fleetwood mac
Photo: Google Images

Wanna participate? See schedule below!

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3 Days, 3 Quotes – Game On!

Day 2  of 3 Days, 3 Quotes – Game On!

I had to think for awhile to come up with something that I wanted to find three quotes on.  As usual, my drug addled brain slowed down this process.  But somehow, I came up with something that I hope someone can really identify with. and that is humor – one of my favorite things to add to my conversations…

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.
– Oscar Levant

I think I know some people who live their lives like that…  I guess I won’t mention any names.

 

I’m Sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.
– Robin Williams

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. - Robin Williams

 

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.
– Theodore Roosevelt

I just wish that more people would realize that there is so much truth in this quote.  It reminds me of that person, way back when, who caused all my troubles.  I don’t think my leg is long enough for this, though.

This challenge is easy.  Just follow these simple rules (always rules) to meet the 3 Day, 3 Quote – Game On!

I will provide you with 3 new quotes on many topics each day for three days, maybe in a row, maybe not so in a row

  • I will nominate 3 new bloggers each day for three days, or when I post other quotes
  • Thank the lovely writer who challenged you. Thank you Lisa Pomerantz
  • Let the bloggers you have challenged, know about it 

My 3 bloggers for Day 2:

  1. Nerd In The Brainnerdinthebrain
  2. Anxious Mom – THAT’S WHAT ANXIOUS MOM SAID
  3. Van by the River vanbytheriver

Y’all have some fun out there, and learn something from a quote you may come across.

August Alphabet Music Challenge

Today is August, day 3 – the letter C:

Favorite Band/Singer:

Casting Crowns

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/79e8Te63INM/hqdefault.jpg?custom=true&w=320&h=180&stc=true&jpg444=true&jpgq=90&sp=68&sigh=CT5J9pg38N2Tbn0cBmFi2iuWklQ

Like to join in the fun?  See the chart below:

alphmusc

Share Your World #31

What is your favorite part of the town/city you live in.  And what Country do you live in?
I live in a mid-sized city, which is a change from ‘Hicksville, upstate NY’, where I grew up.  From the first city on to the present, I have always liked the bustle of being in the middle of a city.  But I would have to say that my favorite part is where the city lies along the coast of Lake Michigan, especially when there is no one nearby.

I live in the United States.

Would you rather wear clown shoes every day or a clown wig every day?
I would have to say the shoes. I always kick them off as soon as possible anyway.

Which way does the toilet paper roll go? Over or under?
Over. If it’s under, I never seem to be able to find the end of the roll.

What do you do to make a living or during the day?  If you are retired what mostly occupies your day? Or if you are a student what are you studying?
I do not work due to disability, yet I do have a set schedule, for most days. The alarm goes off. The cat gets up, I get up. I take my first round of meds and feed the cat. An hour later, the second alarm goes off, and I take the rest of my morning meds, make the coffee and have breakfast. Then I move from my power chair to my recliner, after I’ve gotten dressed, turn on the computer, and spend most all day and evening, first going through all the email, reading my batch of blogs that I follow, and then I turn to my favorite Sudoku website, and that’s pretty much all I do for the rest of the day and the evening. Though lately, I’ve become inspired to get out of the recliner and go to the gym, and try to strengthen my upper body, so that I can take part in some adaptive sports for wheelchair users, which would be more of a challenge (Haven’t made it to the gym yet, and I got back from a week of games in Salt Lake City a month ago today.) My next round of events is in three weeks, in Chicago, and I need to build up my strength and endurance for the coming events there. Then my life goes back to recliner mode until near the end of September, when I go to San Antonio, TX for three days of events there, but nothing strenuous due to the heat and humidity there.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?
I think this may sound a little strange, but I’m grateful for Mother Nature last week, when she put on some mighty fine fireworks (thunder and lightning), which I love dearly, as long as it’s not one of those where the wind is bending the trees over, and the rain is moving sideways rather than  down. Those are a little scary. But I’m grateful to be here, able to watch, and listen and listen to a heavy downpour of water.

In the week coming up, I’m looking forward to an entire week with absolutely, not one single appointment for the entire week. When this happens, I can vegetate relax in the shade, without any pressures to go somewhere except for the grocery store.

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Cee’s Share Your World is a weekly feature and all are welcome to play along.

What’s going on in your world?

How Well Do You Know Me?

Do You Really Know Me?

Child Within

I have done several challenges, but I’m not so sure about surveys.  Maybe I’ll even get to know me a little better.

1 – Boxer shorts or budgy smugglers? I don’t know what budgy smugglers are, and I don’t wear boxers, so I guess I would have to answer with neither.

2 – What color of underwear are you currently wearing? Pink.   They match the shirt and socks;

3 – How long have you been wearing them for? About 3 1/2 hours

4 – Do you ever use binoculars to watch people?  The only pair of binoculars I own can’t see through walls, and I don’t usually take them with me when I go outside, so no.

5 – Have you ever kicked someone in the groin?  You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to do this, but I’d just lose my balance and fall down.

6 – Would you pull a trigger?  Would and have (I was in the military).

7 – If you met your favorite celebrity, and they wanted to make out with you, would you? No, because I know it would lead nowhere, and I want to go somewhere.

8 – Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone you were not in a relationship with (not talking about sex and one-night-stands)? Yes. He wanted sex, but I didn’t. He ended up staying for the night though.

9 – Have you had one-night-stands?  No.

10 – Does sex have the same importance to you now compared to when you were younger? Due to aging and medical issues, I would have to say no.

11 – Have you ever eaten a worm?  They look like fat mini-snakes, and snakes is what I hate the most. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

12 – What’s the grossest thing you’ve eaten?  Raw squid.

13 – How long do you spend sitting on the toilet?  As long as it takes.

14 – What do you do when you sit there (besides the obvious)? Play Sudoku on my tablet.

15 – Have you ever been peed at?  Why would someone even do that? No.

16 – What’s the grossest thing you have ever swallowed?  That goes back to the squid.

17 – What’s the constantly dirtiest place in your home?  The bathroom. No matter how hard we try, neither my aides or I can ever keep up with the cat litter. You can sweep the entire floor thoroughly, and when you have finished, there is still litter on the floor.

18 – Why don’t you clean it?  It’s hard for me to do that from my wheelchair.

19 – Do you eat your boogers?  That is absolutely gross. No.

20 – Can you describe the one smell that makes you gag?  Vomit

21 – Have you ever had head lice?  No

22 – Have you ever been utterly disappointed in someone?  Absolutely. It was someone I trust completely, and yet they let me down.

23 – Have you ever been scared of someone?  This one is easy. I was afraid of my mother for the first 53 years of my life.

24 – What do you do when you’re drunk that you wouldn’t want anyone to know about?  I no longer drink, and I can’t remember much of what I did when I used to get drunk.  That’s probably why I quit drinking.

25 – Have you tried pole dancing?  The only pole I get close to is the one in my bedroom I use to transfer back and forth from my chair to my bed.

26 – Have you been in a strip club? I’ve never even seen one from the outside No.

27 – Have you ever run over an animal?  Back home I would run over the occasional woodchuck.

28 – Have you ever peed in snow? I would freeze my you know what off if I tried to do that. No.

29 – Have you ever made fun of someone and then regretted it? Way too many times.

30 – What’s your favorite kind of question on Cards for Humanity (if you know the game)? Do not know this game.

31 – If the father of your best friend hit on you, what would you say to him? Get lost mf.

32 – Would you go out on a date with someone half your age or double your age? Not half my age, but I did end up in a relationship with someone who was two years older than my mother.

33 – Do you clean the sink after brushing your teeth? I rinse it out.

34 – Have you ever spat in someone’s food or drink?  Never. I have such a bad case of dry mouth from all the meds I take, I would have to build up enough to even be able to spit.

35 – Have you ever kissed someone only to be grossed out afterwards? More times than I care to remember.

36 – What is your number one goal in life, and are you living it? When I learned I had MS, I started setting goals. The number one goal is to never give up.  I’m still here so I guess I haven’t given up.

38 – Have you ever danced and/or cried in the rain? I don’t like being out in the rain. No.

39 – Have you ever ditched work to just chill out on your own (with or without Netflix)? When I was a whole lot younger than I am now.

40 – What do you wish you were doing right now (anything goes)? Shopping. I love just going out to find something to buy.  But it’s raining outside, and I would have to wait in the rain, in my power wheelchair to catch a bus.

This was a lot more fun than I expected it to be. There was no nomination list, so I nominate you all to take this survey, so we can all learn how bad each of us are.

Happy thinking…

~ van ~

May Photo of the Day Challenge

Photo of the day challenge – Day 13.  Join in the fun and share your pictures of the day, according to the chart below.

Day 13 – Game

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May Photo of the Day Challenge – Day 12

See the chart below and join in the fun.  Share your photos by day.  Today’s challenge is “Sky.” Select your photos according to the chart below.

Cold Within
Photo: Karen Van Benschoten