What is your greatest strength or weakness? I believe my greatest strength, which is my mind, is also my greatest weakness. Due to mental illness, even as a young child, my weakness was the mind, and that as I grew into adulthood, was plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, fears of things, real or imagined, which prevented me from living a fulfilling childhood, and caused me to live as an adult, still caught up in the mire of mental illness. This lead to alcoholism and other behaviors that caused me to lose one job after another. I believe that my mental illness was caused by both parents, as well as a gene carried by my mother. My father was a pedophile of the worst kind, not that I’m sure there are varying degrees of pedophilia, and I was his victim – at least the only one I knew about. My mother was a narcissist, who I believe also carried the gene believed to be needed in order to develop Borderline Personality Disorder. This form of mental illness continues to plague me even today, causing irrational fears, inappropriate emotional responses to certain triggers, short, highly emotional relationships, fear of abandonment, and many other symptoms. I also suffer from anxiety and depression. Combine those with the MS, stomach issues, thyroid, parathyroids, and gall bladder problems and the results of all these problems, and I take 22 medications every day.
But my mind is also my greatest strength. It got me through school with high grades, and then making the Deans list when I went back to school in the late 1980’s. It is where my love of music, singing it and playing the guitar, saxophone, clarinet and the piano, originates from. It is where my creativity stems from, allowing me to take a good look at myself, learning, understanding, and growing from my past. My creativity has led me to writing, and then writing poetry, but also the ability to sit and look at an abstract design on the page and color it in, never knowing from the starting point where I will end up, but it is almost always something I feel is really good.
What makes you feel grounded? I think what makes me feel grounded, is being out in the country, or the woods or a forest, all of which make me more aware of this world that God created, and created me to live in, enjoying the ‘fruits of His bounty’. Watching the fireflies blink bright green in the darkness of my campsite, or in the back yard when I was growing up (I don’t see them much now, since I’ve become city-fied. I don’t even have a backyard now.). Or rolling down the bike path in my power chair, with only the sounds of the birds and insects that are all around me, when I am in areas that are overgrown once again with grass and bushes, and in wooded areas that I pass through. The feel of the sun on my face in the Spring and the Fall, since I can’t be out much during the summer due to the MS, as I sit, stretched out in my chair, talking with others whom have come out to enjoy the nice weather, and the company as well. Nature is what it is that makes me feel grounded, I guess I’d have to say if I was to put it all in one boring sentence. 😄
Would you rather never be able to eat warm food or never be able to eat cold food? Oh this is an easy one. You’ve all heard of comfort food? Well, to me, comfort food is food that makes me feel good, and this is warm food. Don’t get me wrong – I love my bowl of ice cream in the evening, no matter if it is in the middle of summer or the middle of winter. But cold food can get warm, and then definitely loses its appeal so just does not apply when talking about comfort food. You can reheat a cold dish of chili, but you can’t put melted ice cream back onto the cone. 😬
Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? From last week, I am grateful for that monthly government check which just plops itself right into my bank account every month. I’m grateful I was able to pay all my bills for the month, and still have some money left for groceries, as well some to put towards my upcoming trip to San Antonio, TX.
This week I am looking forward to cooler temperatures, when I will be able to go outside and enjoy myself once again. I look forward to practicing for the events I will be taking part in, at the Valor Games Southwest, in San Antonio, TX. The Valor Games are adaptive sports competition for disabled veterans as well as Active Duty members. It is a time to celebrate old friends and make new ones. I need to be able to get outside and practice for the air rifle event, find a Senior Center where I can practice my table tennis from a wheelchair, and to just go bowling. A healthy body is a happy body.
Cee’s Share Your World is a weekly feature and all are welcome to play along.
What’s going on in your world?